Anonymous Student Mental Health Blog
I started my second semester with great excitement and positivity. Come the time the clock ticked and my first class had finished it was a completely different story. I felt useless, stupid. College was supposed to be my time to grow and become a better person but it doesn’t feel that way at all.
I, unfortunately, have been afflicted with a terrible trio of invisible illnesses with make my everyday life much harder than the average student. I’m living with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Depression numbs me, anxiety sends fear and doubt throughout my entire body and my eating disorder tells me I’m worthless and not good enough.
The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that washed over me in that class triggered a day long sadness so deep I couldn’t possibly put it into words. Overwhelmed by the prospect of the work ahead of me and realising I’m not as intellectually clever as the majority of my classmates sentenced me to an afternoon and evening paralysed in my bed not able to stop myself from the tears that stung my cheeks.
During all that time, even while still crying, I felt this strange feeling of realisation come over me. This is not something I wanted nor I had in my control to stop. My depression and negative thinking had taken control and it became increasingly more difficult to pull away from the tears. There’s an amazing amount of shame that comes with an episode like this one but once I send that one text to let my boyfriend know I wasn’t ok, I was set free.
That was yesterday. Today is a completely new day. I know what I experienced wasn’t an isolated incident and that it will, at some point, happen to me again. But what struck me more about it was the fact that I know I couldn’t be the only one feeling the way I felt. I couldn’t be the only WIT student worried that they can’t keep up with their classmates, that they’re not good enough or clever enough to be in the course that they are or that that feel absolutely and utterly useless with no intellectual reason for those feelings.
I implore those of you reading: if you ever feel like giving up, reach out. Call a friend, speak to Michael the Welfare officer, the student Counselling service, and speak to your GP. There are many people that love you and care for you. They’re there to listen and want to help you be the best student and person you can be. Trust yourself.
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”